by Andrew W. Lukonis, Certified EFT Practitioner
first published at www.eftscience.com
Her heart was shattered to pieces when the love of her life cheated on her, leaving her devastated, infuriated, and confused. He was enraged when the professional company to which he paid thousands of dollars delivered a design of lesser quality than that of a rudimentary high school project. She harbored so much resentment and bitterness towards her father who should have showered her with compliments and praise as a small child, but instead rained down a consistent maelstrom of verbal and physical abuse. His mother was a high functioning alcoholic whose attention he only received through sexual abuse between the bouts of uncontrollable anger. The auto accident was clearly the fault of the other driver, but through personal favors he was cleared of all wrongdoing, leaving her to pay for all of the damages when the insurance company refused to compensate her.
What’s your story? We all have one. Sure, we tell ourselves that we’re over it or that it no longer affects us. But on the inside, we know that’s a lie. Every time we think of that person, that situation, that company that did us wrong, we begin to boil over with resentment, anger, hatred, cynicism, indignation, ire, and revenge. O, the injustice! The unfairness! We were wronged – and we know it!
And now there is nothing we can do but throw mental daggers at the object of our aggression and rage. A vile poison of disdain do we secretly stow away inside our minds and bodies, waiting for that chance to exact revenge towards our wrongdoers – or anyone else resembling them.
We are the victims. We are the abused. We are the injured and rejected.
We should be free. We should be healthy. We should be loved. And you CAN be! The only person that is preventing you from attaining all of these things – is YOU!
The undeniable truth is that we have all been wronged by someone at some point in our lives. Even the most saintly and divine beings that have ever walked this earth were slighted in the most grievous ways. I know your story, for it is also my story, just manifested through a differing series of events. But the intense negative emotions are the same and just as virulent. So even though we are all unique, your problems most likely are not. Neither are your strong emotional reactions to them. Which is why the process of letting go is a technique that every person should strive to master.
When we hold such feelings of bitterness, resentment, hatred, and injustice in our minds, it is like a seething poison that continuously eats away at our health, self-esteem, confidence, and our abilities to love and trust. Even though we believe that we are hurting the person who wronged us by keeping our mental arsenal stocked in constant cerebral warfare against them, the only casualty on our emotional battlefield is ourselves. The rationality behind this is quite simple. When anger, rage, and resentment are held long enough in the mind, your body will respond in kind. When the object of your intended revenge is not available, the only body left to attack is your own. This can come in the form of illness, disease, addictions, self-condemnation, emotional instability, mental dysfunctions, premature aging, and a shortened life span, just to name a few.
In the hopelessness and bitterness of our darkest thoughts, however, there is an illuminated path to the emotional release of resentment. The first step comes in the realization that holding onto such anger is hurting no one but ourselves. It is the acid that eats away at its vessel. The other thought to firmly grasp is that the person who did you wrong most likely is not even thinking about you any more and may not even know that they hurt you in the first place! This idea may seem like an absurdity to accept, but many times it is true. They simply do not realize the damage they caused to you because they were only thinking of themselves. Just remember the saying, hurting people hurt people. One simply can not be in a place of love, acceptance, and inner peace with themselves and intentionally harm another.
Think of a person, a pet, or a possession that you dearly love and imagine violently harming it. Impossible! Now imagine that same love for yourself. Those that have been subjected to the hurts of others, usually as children, never learned self-love or self-appreciation. So on a subconscious level, they themselves are running off a corrupted or virus-infected system of beliefs which goes undetected. They then give you that virus to deal with on your own without the slightest idea of what they are doing.
A simple analogy would be that of a bee sting. When we get stung, we get a swollen, itchy, painful rash at the very least or we go into full blown anaphylactic shock if we have some preconditioned sensitivity to the toxin. Now, even though we blame and curse and get angry at the bee, it was only trying to defend itself from a perceived threat. The same goes with our own emotions and our egos. When we feel threatened, we also lash out.
Once a shimmer of rationality that your perpetrator may not be as villainous as you previously thought is attained, the next step is forgiveness. Now this may seem like a quantum leap, but that is only because you may not understand what the purpose of forgiveness is. Here’s a clue – it’s not for the other person. Forgiveness does not condone the actions of the one who did you wrong. It is not an admission of guilt or blame. And it’s certainly not a “get out of jail free” card. Forgiveness is the knife that cuts the rope keeping you tethered to the anchor of bitterness and resentment. Forgiveness is for YOU! To forgive releases you from the toxic thoughts and emotions that are poisoning your own body every second of every day, which will ultimately lead to your own downfall. To forgive your enemies is to free yourself from their continued abuse and control over your own life. But why does the simple act of forgiveness seem like one of the most difficult things to do? Because you have never learned to use the proper tools or they weren’t otherwise available to you at the time to accomplish it. Now they are.
Hundreds of thousands are now discovering how a simple technique that can be learned and applied in under ten minutes can have drastic results in the process of letting go. That technique is Emotional Freedom Techniques or EFT. While you could certainly talk about your past traumas for months or even years with a psychotherapist, you could numb the pain with prescription drugs or antidepressants, and you could even have energy healing work done, I have found nothing more effective for letting go of bitterness and resentment than EFT. This is because EFT works on all levels at the same time – biologically, psychologically, emotionally, and energetically! Got a clogged mental pattern that you can’t let go of? Use EFT – it’s like Drano for your entire system.
The beauty of tapping can be found in the way that the setup statement is formulated when using the technique. “Even though I have (this problem, this anger, this resentment, this hatred, etc.) I deeply and completely love, accept, and forgive myself.” This statement or any variation thereof, essentially makes a declaration of independence to yourself. It can be translated into such personal affirmations as:
I am NOT a victim of what someone has done to me!
My past hurts do NOT define how I choose to feel today!
I am MORE than the label that someone else has applied to me!
I am in COMPLETE control of my own thoughts and emotions!
I LET GO of all negative thoughts and emotions that do not serve me!
These are powerful statements by themselves. But when combined with the meridian point tapping and the verbal acknowledgement of how you feel towards the person or issue that has festered in you for so long, it’s like a complete discharge of negativity from your entire being. The seething, heavy, negative energy gets cleared out of your system and you literally strip the negative emotional responses away from the intrusive memories associated with that person or event. In essence, the putrid cesspool of anger, resentment, and hatred that you were bathing your mind & body in daily becomes a pure crystal clear spring of peace, acceptance, and self-love.
It is this transformational clearing that allows the act of forgiveness to permeate your system, permanently releasing you from the fiery grip of anger and resentment that may be poisoning your life. You will then find that your emotional state becomes more joyful, your thoughts become more positive, your vitality increases, your health improves, and your outlook on life becomes more hopeful.
The process of letting go using EFT may not be without pain and almost certainly will be accompanied by tears. You may be accessing memories or emotions that you have buried so deeply that its roots may have grown into the very core of your self identity. But pulling those weeds of anger and digging up those seeds of resentment can only lead to a beautifully cultivated garden of blossoming positive emotions. Streams of new opportunities will begin to flow and each pure aromatic breath you take will ignite new dreams and passions. You will also stop the distorted cycle of hurt and pain by eradicating it from your own being, preventing its spread to someone else.
This is how you “be the change you want to see in the world.” Rid yourself of all that anger, resentment, bitterness, criticism, and hatred. Heal yourself and heal the world.
In the spring of 2015, Andrew Lukonis founded EFT Science, a private EFT practice with the continuing mission to spread the word about the benefits of tapping and to administer healing directly with clients. Because of his life experiences as a healthcare professional, molecular biologist, corporate affiliate, entrepreneur, and energy healer, along with his natural talents as an artist, musician, writer, and public speaker, he has been termed “the perfect bridge” to connect with folks from nearly all walks of life.
You can read more about Andrew and Emotional Freedom Techniques on his website: eftscience.com